The last few weeks I caught myself holding my breath. I feel like I have been pulled by the motion of the pendulum swing that takes me from one extreme to the other. At times I am feeling the electric energy of the season and the outward buzz it can bring. I can also feel the energy shift as I plummet into the darkened unknown. What moves through me is a churning flood of thoughts, energies, and emotions. This can send me into some difficult places. When I regain my footing, I realize that this is also the energy of the season. With the cool days welcoming us, we find the veil thinning and a more persistent presence that offers breath to the whispers on the wind. Sometimes it is invigorating. The swooshing crunch of fallen leaves and the warm comfort of mulled apple cider are what dreams are made of this time of year. Yet, sometimes October can also feel like the slow curling caress that extracts the raw vulnerability out from under my surface; exposing the newly unearthed pieces of me to the cold daylight. It is a dance that weaves the way into the liminal spaces of the season. Shadows both known and unknown call. They lure me with their whispers towards the ghosts of shadow and piercing light. With these experiences, it is clear. It is time to prepare to venture further into the dark half of the year. For we too feel and experience the tides of the earth and of life and death. Now we must prepare for our own descent.
There are examples all around us that show us how the earth is moving deeper into her dark half of the year. The sun sets earlier and rises later. The wind whips around us. The fields, orchards, trees, and flower beds begin to lay bare. Life once again is withdrawing into the earth. We recognize the change of seasons and prepare for the long winter ahead. We find ourselves in the quiet spaces in our hearts and minds that may elude us in the hot summer days, laughing and playing late into the night. The inward focus helps to slow us down. We begin to take notice of our own shifts and changes. As a result, we are helping ourselves to understand our personal inner rhythms. When we can do this, the notion that we are alone starts to fade. We understand the connections we all share together as a living, breathing tapestry of life joined together as one. Our heart beat is the same as the first beating heart upon the planet and it will be a match to the last one as well. However, when there is more darkness than light and we are navigating the undefined roads of the liminal spaces, it is easy to forget these connections that are within us. When this happens, it is helpful to remember that we are the darkness and the light. We are the unexplored recesses of our soul and the bright smile to offer a loved one comfort. We rise and fall. We create and we destroy. We participate in many cycles throughout our life. Sometimes we can swing from one extreme to another. But what if we can move in such a way that we can work with the energies around us and explore those areas without judgement and labels? What if we can move with the death tide as it shows us what life, death, and rebirth can be? Allowing ourselves the breath, rest, and reflection we need can open many gateways that we never knew existed within us. Are you ready to begin and explore your unknown?
From this time of year to Yule, we have the chance to allow ourselves to feel, dream, heal, and discover who we are without the expectation of having all the answers right away. It is a solemn time where we can venture within ourselves to explore our borderlands, and hold the pieces that emerge from the darkness with love, compassion, reverence, and grace. I feel that the act of giving yourself mercy is one of the best gifts that you can give yourself. In our society, we draw a hard line defining ourselves. When we do this, are we really giving ourselves the chance to be who we really are with quick decisions? Are we letting go of what no longer serves us or are we holding onto it for another day when maybe, just maybe, we can deal with it down the road? This sacred time of shadow and light allows us to journey into the swamps of our inner landscapes and release our fear, guilt, shame, failures, and broken dreams. There, in the mud and muck, the parts of us can begin to breakdown and rot, nurturing the soil within to feed the hopes and dreams of the future. What a beautiful gift you can give yourself. So, are you willing to dive into your unknown, deepest depths and love them wholeheartedly?
During our life, we begin to understand that we are not just one thing. We are more than what we think and what we want to see. We are the depths of the oceans. We are the spiders living in the shadows of caves. We are the discarded, broken, and unwanted bits that are pushed away, tossed out with our restlessness and longing. We are the silent screams that get caught in our throat. We are the pit that can form and expand in our stomach. We are the voiceless, powerless, shamed echoes of our past that can clutch at the strings of our memories, begging and pleading to be recognized, seen, held, and loved. We are the phantoms that haunt us in the wake of our trauma and the fear of what happens when we begin to heal it. What happens when we dare hold these pieces? What happens when we have the audacity to integrate our entire selves into our being? We grow. We cry. We seek to understand and hold ourselves in the experience. Like the star that shoots across the inky midnight sky, we can light the heavens and inspire dreams. It is our work that lights our way through the darkness. It is our love and perseverance that carries us towards the dawn. It is our hope that keeps us warm and alive to get up and try once again. Yes. We can haunt ourselves with the ghosts of our past. We can move through liminal lands, exploring, healing, and allowing ourselves to form from clay. We are also the piercing fingers of light that point the way through the tear in the blinds that cover our eyes and hearts. We are everything. We are nothing. We are our own darkness and light. It is messy, difficult, and beautiful. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Be well.
Renee Bedard ~ The Whispering Crow
The Whispering Crow 